Have you wondered what IFS is and how IFS works? In this article, we will go deeper into Internal Family Systems therapy, understanding what it is and how it can help anyone struggling to understand themselves. IFS is a neurodevelopmental program, meaning that neuroscience helps to support it. Neurochemical reactions underpin the science behind Internal Family Systems, allowing change to happen. If there is any one insight that you can take from this article, this is it – anyone is capable of creating change. There is no age limit. There is no person too traumatized. There is always the possibility to try and heal. Internal Family Systems is a great way to understand the way our brains and bodies work. With this model, we believe that we are all good inside, and it is not our fault when things don’t develop in a way that allows flexibility.

How IFS Works and How it Helps

Internal Family Systems is a psychotherapeutic approach that is centered upon the belief that we as humans are made up of a complex system of parts. So rather than believing that we are a singular being with a simple personality and temperament, this framework helps us to understand that each person has a very complex neurodevelopmental interlay that contains all parts of humanity.

What does this mean for healing work? It means that it normalizing all of the different parts that are coming up – the part that is trying hard not to be in a scary relationship, avoiding tough conversations. The part that becomes rageful when the kids are being too loud. That part of you that is seeking a way out when you feel overwhelmed with work. All parts are welcome. All parts make sense.

It also allows space to consider possibility. What if everyone is able to make their own personality? What is the personality, anyway? Often we develop personality based upon our lived experiences, who we lived with, and how we were perceived by others. We learn that “Mom always said I was organized, so I guess I’m just a really organized person.” Alternatively, we may learn more negative associations about ourselves. We may even begin to think that we are inherently bad, and that nothing can change it. We may believe we are bad because our family said we were, because we are like someone we knew, or because genetically everyone in our family system has something that we must also have too (such as a mental health diagnosis). The interesting facet here is that these beliefs are what comes first, and our system attaches to them. This means that if we are able to become aware of ourselves through how IFS works, there is a way to shift from the beliefs that our system has learned to attach to. In the highest sense, there is endless possibility for our personality!

Can I Be Anyone I Want to Be?

Herein lies the truth: If we can become highest versions of ourselves, what else would we want to be? We don’t need to be anyone other than who we are. And so then who are we? In IFS, we learn that what makes us, us is the absence of these parts that had to be made to survive life up until this point. If there cannot be absence of parts, then we will continue to have them popping up over and over again, taking us away from our true identity. So a big part of what Internal Family Systems does, is to help us connect with our Self (with a capital S). The Self is who we are. It is similar for each person, interestingly enough, feeling as though a weight has been lifted off our chest. It also often feels warm, open, and relaxed. We are able to rest in our present moment. There are 8 “C’s” and 5 “P’s” to describe Self, which are:

• Curiosity: Being interested and open-minded, wanting to know more
• Compassion: Having heart-centered love towards yourself and others
• Calm: Feelings of peace even when our outside world feels chaotic
• Clarity: Knowing intuitively, understanding the correct path forward
• Creativity: Using our energy to create words, art, new things and new ways of understanding
• Connectedness: Wanting to be with others and with the world as a whole
• Courage: Standing up for ourselves, choosing to believe in our own path
• Confidence: Standing strong, speaking our truth, knowing we are in our power

• Presence: Being able to enjoy what is without worrying about the past or future
• Perspective: Seeing other perspectives regardless of their parts impacting us
• Playfulness: Energetic play that helps us joyfully connect with our world
• Patience: Knowing we are capable of pausing, trusting divine timing
• Persistence: Continuing to move forward, even in the hardest moments

As you can see, these describing words are what many of us are seeking more of in our lives. When we peel back the layers of shame, guilt, anger, sadness and frustration (along with others), we are able to see that these adjectives are actually what we have been all this time, we just needed some help to come back to our Self. By learning how IFS works to build awareness, we are free to be ourselves authentically.

How To Be Our True Self

When IFS was created, there was an understanding of parts through different teachings and trainings. Gestalt therapy was one of the original therapy techniques that brought parts work into the forefront. Another was Ego State therapy, both of which were created after Freudian theory, believing that the internal system was much more complex than Freud’s three parts (id, ego and superego). Which these two therapy methods are based upon the same belief that we are multi-faceted, what sets IFS therapy apart is the belief that we all contain a Self, and that this Self can never be broken or taken away. It is a concept that is present in Buddhist teachings, as well as many other Eastern Philosophies surrounding identity formation and spirituality, though it isn’t coined the “Self” – It is an enlightened state.

True versions of who we are is exactly what we are seeking in our life. We are wanting more authentic connections, and to be able to feel truly at ease. We are wanting to relax in the knowing that we are exactly where we are meant to be, and that we are being guided towards aligned living. There is nothing better than a true Self connection. And with Internal Family Systems, it no longer requires years of meditation in a Buddhist temple or becoming trained in Yogic tradition. Yes, spiritual community is very important and often sought after while building our connection with Self. And, it isn’t actually what is needed in order to fully feel into who we are.

With how IFS works, we are able to slowly unblend from those parts of us that were wounded and needed to be taking the wheel. If we are finally safe enough, we can release the burdens of the past so that there is more space to connect inside. We are capable of healing our own parts through building this Self-to-part connection. This centers around the belief that everyone has healing energy within them, and that eventually, a person is not needing another human to process and heal. Healing is what happens when we trust ourselves and allow space for what is. There cannot be any more than what already is, and by that I mean that we have everything within us already. We just need to be heard and understood. IFS-trained therapists support this through compassionately supporting the “U-turn”, tuning into what is happening inside, while also being fully present and Self-led.

How IFS Therapists Support Healing

So then, why bother starting with an IFS-trained therapist if we can do it ourselves? It is a very important question to ask. And the answer is simple: How can we learn about ourselves if we are unable to fully understand who it is we are trying to find? A therapist trained in IFS is Self-led, meaning that they themselves are connecting and supporting their own parts. Ideally, they are ensuring that they are fully attuned and present throughout therapy sessions. This is very healing to witness in and of itself. It is deeply touching to be with someone in Self, and it helps us to understand that this is what we actually are seeking for ourselves.

Healing happening in session requires safety, attunement, and compassionate witnessing. Until clients are able to talk compassionately towards their parts, the therapist is there to support this work. We as therapists are trained to offer curiosity and compassion towards all the parts within our own systems and the systems within our clients. Often we see similar parts throughout many different systems, because the human form contains all parts. This means that we are actually more similar than one may like to think and it becomes easier and easier to understand and be compassionate towards these parts of us that are triggered as we begin to understand humanity as a whole.

Therapists trained in IFS become mirrors for clients to see themselves through. The therapist should be fully in Self, but this is not always the case. We are all human, and sometimes parts come up. We are taught to hold space for our parts through self-reflection, doing a “U-turn”, and through supervision and further training. How IFS works impacts every aspect of who were and who we become. It is important that all therapists who are trained in IFS do their own healing work and spend time connecting inwards. In order to support others, we must first create space to understand ourselves fully, and to allow space for what is. Therapists who believe in the IFS therapy approach often seek meaning through spirituality and other forms of connected somatic-based healing programs such as Qi Gong, Tai Chi, Yoga, Breathwork, Martial Arts, and Reiki. Healing can happen in many different ways, and becoming more connected to Self allows for more openness towards rebuilding the mind-body connection.

How To Book With An IFS Trained Therapist

Our therapy team is centered upon IFS therapy, and as such provide therapy to people across Ontario, Canada. We are able to meet virtually, and provide IFS therapy in our secure, private platform. Are you interested in trying IFS for yourself or someone you love? Reach out to our team today to book a quick introductory session. We are so happy to have you here with us, and we hope that this information has provided you with more insight surrounding how IFS works and how it can help. Please reach out to learn more today.