Childhood fears are a natural part of development, and understanding how to support your child through these anxieties is crucial. From monsters under the bed to worries about school performance, childhood fears evolve as children grow. As a parent, it can be challenging to navigate these concerns effectively while fostering resilience and confidence in your child. In this article, we’ll explore common childhood fears, evidence-based strategies for managing them, and practical ways to help your child overcome anxiety.

As a group therapy practice focused on supporting families, we see both children and their parents. Parents are always needing support when their children are struggling as it is very challenging to be a calm presence when juggling the demands of life. We believe that in order for kids to feel better, the entire family system needs support, including their parents and siblings.

Common Childhood Fears by Age

Childhood fears tend to change as children reach different developmental stages. Recognizing these patterns can help parents provide the right support. It is important to note that fearing the world is often a sign that the child’s nervous system is stuck in the sympathetic “fight or flight” response. Our therapists can help support your child to notice how their bodies feel and learn how to regulate themselves.

• Infants and Toddlers (0-3 years): Fear of loud noises, strangers, separation from parents (separation anxiety), and sudden changes in the environment.
• Preschoolers (3-5 years): Fear of the dark, imaginary creatures (monsters, ghosts), loud noises (thunder, fireworks), and separation from caregivers.
• School-Age Children (6-12 years): Fear of real-world dangers (storms, burglars, getting lost), performance-related anxieties (school tests, making friends), and physical harm.
• Teenagers (13+ years): Social fears, academic performance worries, peer pressure, fear of failure, and concerns about future uncertainties.

Childhood fears are influenced by both biological and environmental factors. Early exposure to stressful situations, parental modeling of fear responses, and a child’s temperament all play a role in the development of these fears. Just as fears can be developed, they can also be released. Our brains are capable of change throughout our lives through neuroplasticity, and this is true for our children just as much as for us as adults. Just because you child is experiencing anxiety and fear now, does not mean that they will need to become anxious, fearful adults. With support, their fears can be released and they can again feel safe in the world around them.

How to Support Your Child Through Their Childhood Fears

1. Validate Their Feelings

Instead of dismissing childhood fears as irrational, acknowledge their emotions. Saying, “I understand that you’re scared. That must feel really hard,” reassures your child that their emotions are valid. Validating feelings involves becoming attuned to your child, noticing what is happening for them. Sometimes parents come in the office believing that they are responsible for fixing their child’s fears for them. This places a lot of pressure on the parents and this added stress can backfire, resulting in dysregulated parents. If parents are able to validate feelings rather than try to fix the problem, children are able to find their calm and co-regulate with their parents.

2. Encourage Open Communication

Let your child talk about their fears without rushing to offer solutions. Asking open-ended questions like, “What about the dark makes you feel scared?” helps them process their emotions and feel safe discussing their childhood fears with you. Understanding your child’s lived experiences helps not only to strengthen your attachment bond even further, it helps your child know that their fears are not to be feared of. Talking through their childhood fears openly helps them build the skill of connection when they are struggling later in life. Rather than hold all their worries in, they can share with a parent, their therapist, or another loved one.

3. Provide Reassurance Without Overprotecting

While it’s important to comfort your child, avoid reinforcing childhood fears by over-accommodating them. For example, instead of checking under the bed every night for monsters, encourage them to use a nightlight and remind them of their safety. We do not need to overcompensate as parents when fears arise in our children. When you trust that your child is experiencing life in a developmentally appropriate way, you can offer your support without becoming overly anxious yourself. Parenting then becomes easier to enjoy.

4. Teach Coping Strategies

Help your child develop skills to manage their childhood fears, such as deep breathing, mindfulness techniques, and using a comfort object. Teaching relaxation strategies can empower them to handle anxiety-provoking situations. Building a repertoire of different calming techniques during childhood has been shown to support self-regulation skills into adulthood. Not only can these coping strategies help your child, but it can help you and your partner too. If you feel anxious sometimes, chances are mindfulness-based strategies would benefit your whole family. Therapy can help support your family to feel better.

5. Use Books and Stories

Reading books about childhood fears can help normalize their feelings and offer solutions. Stories featuring characters who overcome their fears can be particularly reassuring for younger children. Bibliotherapy offers kids a way to think through their fears in a safe, comforting way. If possible spend at least a few moments each evening before bed cuddling with your child while reading books to them. There are many different books available specifically geared towards childhood fears. You can do a simple search on any book retailer website to find a book that matches your child’s fear.

6. Model Confidence and Positivity

Children learn by observing their parents. If you react to situations with calmness and confidence, your child will be more likely to adopt the same approach to childhood fears. Our children offer reflections of ourselves. Try looking inward to learn more about your own anxieties and worries. When you take the time to build awareness about yourself as the parent, your child will feel more at ease doing the same. Building your own self-esteem and confidence supports the family system as a whole.

7. Gradual Exposure to Fears

For persistent childhood fears, gradual exposure can be helpful. If a child is afraid of dogs, start by looking at pictures of friendly dogs, then watching dogs from a distance, and eventually working up to petting a calm, friendly dog. Gradual exposure must be done carefully to ensure that your child feels safe and supported throughout. It can be helpful to build a team of supports while working through persistent childhood anxiety and traumatic events.

8. Seek Professional Help if Needed

If your child’s childhood fears interfere with their daily life—causing extreme distress, sleep disturbances, or avoidance of important activities—it may be beneficial to seek support from a child therapist. Early intervention in childhood anxiety can prevent long-term anxiety disorders. Therapy provides a safe space for children to share their thoughts, feelings and perceptions. During therapy sessions, they are able to work through stressful or traumatic events with a compassionate, highly attuned adult.

Final Thoughts on Managing Childhood Fears

Childhood fears are a normal and healthy part of development. With patience, empathy, and evidence-based strategies, you can help your child manage their worries effectively. By fostering resilience and teaching coping skills, you’ll empower your child to face their childhood fears with confidence, now and in the future.

Optimizing your child’s emotional well-being starts with understanding and addressing their fears. By creating a safe, supportive environment, you can help them navigate childhood fears with greater ease and resilience.

How Attuned Therapy + Wellness Can Help

At Attuned Therapy + Wellness, we provide compassionate psychotherapy services for children ages six and up, as well as youth. Our therapists use evidence-based approaches like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) to help children reframe their fears and develop a greater sense of control over their thoughts and emotions.

Additionally, some of our therapists are trained in Brainspotting Therapy, a gentle, body-based approach designed to help children process fears and traumas effectively. This method integrates seamlessly into traditional talk and play therapy, allowing kids to work through their worries in a way that feels natural and comfortable. Children are fast processors, meaning Brainspotting often helps resolve fears more quickly than standard therapy methods. It’s especially beneficial for kids who feel stuck in anxious patterns and struggle to overcome fears through logic or self-talk alone.

If you’re in Ontario and would like support for your child, you can reach out to us at admin@attunedtherapy.ca or book a session [HERE].