Something that isn’t talked about enough is chronic pain. Those who live with it on a daily basis know the significant toll that it can take on their overall well-being, and yet it is rarely brought forward. In this article, we will be discussing chronic pain and IFS therapy – how to use IFS while also understanding the complexities of living a life with chronic pain or illness.

How Does Chronic Pain Impact Our Lived Experiences?

Chronic pain is like an old friend – it is always with us even when we aren’t thinking about it or spending time directly. It is still there, and it is still impacting who we spend time with and how we feel about the world. Our relationship with chronic pain changes us and has never been acknowledged as a significant part of who we become. And yet, we are supposed to continue on living our lives as if it doesn’t exist. People seem annoyed that we keep bringing up how uncomfortable we are. We can’t seem to do the things we used to do and it frustrates others. It makes us frustrated as well, being unable to keep up. And then there is the part of us that doesn’t want to get out of the bed in the morning, and the part that hates having to take medication. And also parts who feel dismissed and unacknowledged by the medical professionals we seek help from. We go to all of our appointments hoping for change, and yet the pain never seems to resolve for very long. We may turn to alternative therapies, healing approaches that claim to help resolve chronic pain. And maybe it helps, maybe it doesn’t. It just doesn’t seem to completely release the pain, though.

Living with chronic pain and illness is like having a weighted blanket on our shoulders, pushing us inwards, constricting movement. Pain is there to tell us to stop and listen to what hurts. Is there a slipped disc? A torn ligament? Something out of place? Our body is meant to send us signals so that we can slow down and allow enough space to heal. But what if we aren’t able to relax enough to slow down? In our society, it’s pretty impossible to carve out enough time to feel better in our bodies. Our bodies have carried immense amounts of stress for years, and eventually it begins to catch up with us. This is what chronic pain is, and it can be released but it is not easy.

Chronic Pain and IFS Therapy: An Answer to the Inflammatory Response

When I was a nurse working in healthcare, I worked with many patients suffering. Chronic pain was a continuous occurrence, and something that was expected. Many of these people had endured hard lives, having significant adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), and it was not considered to be connected. For some reason, the medical model does not consider the “why” of chronic pain and illness to be connected to how people were raised. And yet, if we take a moment to consider what pain is, it is impossible to separate pain from experience. Pain is a direct link to our lived experiences. It is caused by an inflammatory response that occurs within our cells, and those cells are triggered to create this response due to either physical or emotional stress. Whether it be from a blunt force trauma injury or from being abused by a parent, the response is the same. Our bodies keep the score, as Dr. Bessel van der Kolk coined in his book prized by therapists and clients alike. What both therapists and medical professionals often don’t consider, however, is that this inflammatory response is actually triggered to help. It is our body trying to “inflame” – creating heat (energy) directly towards the injured part. It isn’t something foreign causing harm. It is the person’s immune system working the way it is supposed to work.

Why then, is it hurting more than it is helping?

Our bodies are not being given enough space to process. What if a person was supported through connection and love when they were facing immense pain and discomfort? What if they were seen and heard and understood? How would that impact a person’s ability to feel safe enough to tend to themselves?

My belief surrounding chronic pain and illness is that it is a way for our parts to be fully seen and heard. If we are unable to be cared for and attending to with acute illness, our system keeps trying to get the care and attention we are needing. It is simply amazing how our bodies work to help keep us alive. And yet, we are often cursing that discomfort and trying to massage and alter and inject so that it goes away.

What if we could just sit with it – and understand it? Like that old friend that we haven’t seen for many years and who we love for many different reasons. Friends are meant to be supportive, and yes, chronic pain is trying to support us. Friends are meant to stay with us during hard times, and yes, chronic pain is doing that for us. Friends will tell us the truth even when it hurts, and yes, chronic pain is a good friend in that way too.

What if we could actually listen to what that part of us is trying to say? How could we allow space for this to happen, you ask? Through compassionate witnessing. If we can witness all that we are and all that we have experienced, we can release the weight we have been carrying. We can understand why that chronic pain developed, going deeper than muscle and sinew, into our very psyche. Our body keeps the score, meaning that we carry all of our scars, whether physical or emotional. And that is how we can use Internal Family Systems to heal our mind and heal our body.

Working on Ourselves Isn’t Meant to Be Painful

An interesting phenomenon exists: Clients come in, and they are scared at first. What is this going to look like? How much pain is this going to bring me? How am I possibly going to be able to relive those darkest times in my life?

Then, their parts soften. They allow some space, and spend some time reflecting on their lived experiences. The therapist offers reflections, and anchors the client in the present.

Miraculously, the client shares that they feel lighter, not worse.

Why? Why is there this misunderstanding of what therapy is and what is involved?

We struggle to feel safe in relationship. This is the answer, and it makes a lot of sense. In many family systems, children are not allowed to cry in front of their parents. They are told to go to their room, to cry alone and to come back down when they feel better. They aren’t supposed to get angry and have temper tantrums. They aren’t held when they feel scared. They don’t understand what it really feels like to feel safe with another human being, so of course going to therapy feels impossible at first.

Therapy is a redo. It is your way back to attachment to others, and by building this capacity again, we then are capable to offer this attachment and compassion towards ourselves. We can hold space for our own emotions, rather than having that judging part come up and tell us to “just get over it already”. We are capable of becoming present and attuned towards that chronic pain, even. We can be curious about why it is still coming every day. How is it trying to help? How does it show up at different times? How does it want to be understood? What is it in need of to not have to work so hard?

Internal Family Systems therapy provides this attunement in a safe container. We guide clients to reconnect with their Self, so that they can support their own healing journey, and allow more alignment into their brain, body, and lives. Support is here if you are ready to explore the depths of your chronic pain, in a mindful, integrated way.

Do You Have Chronic Pain? Book Your Session With Us Today

Chronic pain is heavy, and you are needing help. Our team of IFS therapists provide support to clients experiencing chronic pain, and are compassionate supports while you learn about yourself. If you are interested in learning more, book a quick session HERE. If you are a therapist curious about IFS or wanting to learn more about our clinic focused on IFS, please send an email to hello@attunedtherapy.ca letting us know what questions you have or if you would like to be considered in joining our team of virtual trauma-informed psychotherapists in Ontario, Canada.