Internal Family Systems Therapy
Internal family systems (IFS) therapy available in our wellness studio in Kincardine, Ontario and online. IFS-informed therapy provides clients with a way to process past lived experiences, fully releasing themselves from the burdens they have been carrying.
Internal Family Systems Therapy Allows Us to Let Go and Move Forward
When we are children, we learn ways to cope. Our family was busy, overwhelming, and impossible to relax in. Another possibility is that there were too few interactions, causing us to feel lonely or abandoned. In either case, we have to develop ways to survive. Sometimes we notice that we can make ourselves feel better through using drugs or alcohol. Other times we find that we need to prove ourselves by getting straight A’s in school in order to be seen. Another way we can cope is through becoming whatever others wanted you to become, resulting in you losing any sense of identity.
When we begin to start connecting with those young parts of us that have been working so hard to survive, we can give ourselves the love and support we didn’t receive growing up. This is how we let go of our childhood wounds – by being present to those parts of us that felt angry, sad, overwhelmed, guilty, shameful, and jealous. When we offer those parts kindness and compassion, they lose their need to manage and protect. Instead, parts of us trying to survive can begin to relax and enjoy the things they wish they could have enjoyed growing up.
We Can’t Erase the Past. IFS Therapy Allows Us To Feel At Ease With The Past So We Can Be In The Present.
When we decide to be open with ourselves, we can begin to see ourselves through the eyes of our child-self. As adults, it can be hard to truly empathize with what we went through as children, which keeps us stuck as adults in our child-self’s coping mechanisms. When we create a way to witness our child-self, we allow our adult-self to become fully healed. All we need to do using IFS therapy is to be open and curious. Our child-parts will guide us to the places in our mind we need to go.
Internal family systems therapy is a model that was created by Richard Schwartz while he was working with highly dysfunctional families as a marriage and family therapist. He began to notice that the thoughts that come up in our minds take on very similar constructs as a family system. We can have a part of us that is almost exactly like our father, one like our mother, one like our sibling, and so on.
We have parts that work hard to protect us by managing our lives (a perfectionist part, a controlling part, a part that loves structure). We also have parts that protect us by fighting fires with coping mechanisms that are considered unhealthy – extreme anger, addictions, being abusive, and showing family our best impression of a cat. Finally, we can have parts of us that are hidden underneath a lot of coping, wanting to not be seen because they don’t think anyone will love them. When we are able to offer those parts our loving presence rather than judgment or dismissiveness, they can become fully healed and never need to hide again.
Frequently Asked Questions About Internal Family Systems Therapy
Does Internal Family Systems Require A Lot of Painful Re-Experiencing?
In short, no. Internal family systems therapy doesn’t require clients to re-experience all of their painful memories. What it focuses on is being present for ourselves while going through difficult things. The emotions felt are not from reliving, but rather the pain felt when realizing that you didn’t get what you deserved. It is very good to express our emotions. We need to grieve our childhoods, because the majority of us didn’t get the emotional support we needed.
Is it Normal to Need Other Therapy Before Starting Internal Family Systems?
In short, yes. In order to be fully present for those young parts of us, we first need to feel safe and regulated. It is important that we make sure we are listening to our mind and body throughout therapy, and we don’t push past protectors. It can be helpful to do some trauma processing before starting IFS therapy, such as brainspotting, rapid resolution therapy, EMDR therapy, or hypnosis. These modalities allow clients to let go of painful memories without having to re-experience them. That allows the client to feel more at peace in the present, and more capable of healing. Sometimes it can be helpful to do it the other way, so it is very useful to use multiple modalities in therapy. Our trained therapists provide many different holistic healing modalities to support healing.
